This is what we hope for.

For the moment, all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later is yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have ben trained by it. Therefore lift your dropping arms and strengthen your weak knees and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of joint but rather be healed. – Hebrews 12:12-13

Bing bing bing! Discipline hurts like a mother. God is growing me up. Great is the sin if I make feeling a cause for faith.

When I don’t feel close to God, I have a meltdown. I had a meltdown. The biggest one I think I’ve ever had. I wasn’t very nice to God last week haha, but for some reason He refused to give up on me. Oh precious is the flow that makes me white as snow! Oh the mercy!

There are not always going to be those warm fuzzy moments with God. They are momentary. God gives them whenever He so chooses. But one day, we will be with Him. No restrictions. No limitations. No conditions. Face to face with the Holy One. Forever. Woop woop! And THAT is what we cling to when God feels far away. When our eyes are closed to where He is moving.

According to His great mercy, He has caused us to be born again to a LIVING Hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, unfading, kept in heaven for you, who by God’s power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. In THIS you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ.
– 1 Peter 1:3-7


Prone to wander.

It’s amazing the things we do in effort to medicate the soul.

I didn’t spend time with Jesus all weekend. And loneliness hovered over me all weekend. It was Labor Day weekend, so buttloads of people went home. The dorm felt deserted. I called anyone I could think of in hopes of hiding from loneliness. My Bible laid dormant on my desk.

I find that to be a consistent struggle in my life. BELIEVING that when I to come to the feet of Jesus Christ, that He fills my empty spirit with His. That He soothes the aching heart with His grace. That He revives the dead heart. It seems like every day I have to start over on receiving the gift of His Spirit. On approaching the throne of grace with confidence so that I might find mercy and receive grace.

I just started going through Romans with some friends. One of the first things Paul addresses in the letter to the Christians in Rome is the refusal to acknowledge God as GOD. And as a result, their lives were thick with unrighteousness that would call the wrath of God upon them. “Claiming to be wise, they became fools and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images of mortal man.” (Romans 1:22-23) That’s what we do EVERY time we sin against our Holy God. Exchanging the glory of God for a mound of crap. It’s despicable and worthy of wrath and deserving of death.

But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, EVEN WHEN WE WERE DEAD in our sins and trespasses, made us alive together with Christ – by grace you have been saved – and raised up with him and seated with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith. (Eph. 2:4-8)

I feel so stupid. All weekend I felt God gently calling me to His heart but I refused to move. I always think that Israel was so stupid for always leaving the God that rescued them. How can I so easily forget that He should give His only Son to make a wretch His treasure? Oh how He loves us so…

I’m not trying to send myself on a guilt trip. It’s moments like these where the truth breaks down my pride. That righteousness comes by faith APART from the WORKS of the LAW.

But we need to know that we need the Gospel of Grace EVERY DAY. If I can’t understand my own depravity and that I truly DESERVE death, then salvation means NOTHING to me. And if salvation means nothing to me, then how can I have any desire to live a life that screams of the glory of God?

How deep the Father’s love for us
How vast beyond all measure
That He should give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure

How great the pain of searing loss
The Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the Chosen One
Bring many sons to glory

Behold the Man upon that cross
My sin upon His shoulders
Ashamed I hear my mocking voice
Call out among the scoffers

It was my sin that held Him there
Until it was accomplished
His dying breath hath brought me life
I know that it is finished

I will not boast in anything
No gifts, no power no wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ
His death and resurrection

Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom

Jesus Christ is the Way and the Truth and the Life. He is the High Priest that intercedes on our behalf. He is the Lamb of God that takes away the sin of the world.